I lost a baby brother 8 years ago. Okay, he wasnt a baby, but he was 8 years younger than me. He was 18. In a lot of ways it made me have to grow up and take care of some serius business for my mom. What it taught me the most was to appreciate life. People often tell me that I am always “so positive” and that if they called me when they were down, they felt better at the end of our conversation. I feel good about that. I work hard on “self development” to make myself that way but I truly beleive that the gifts I share are from Creator God and not from myself.
I looked at my Matthew & Leon tattoo yesterday, (Leon was my cousin, also 18 years old when he died, 14 months after Matthew, they were best friends), and I started crying and could not stop. I havent looked at this tattoo in a long time, the way I did last night. It was as if something jumped out to me to say “Hey, Remember!” and it occoured to me that with all of my heart and all of my wishes, I am meant to have the most fulfilling good life, because life is so short and it breaks my heart that Matthew and Leon didnt have a chance to make that declaration in their life.
Matthew and Leon, two aboriginal boys grown up in the North End, learning, maybe slowly or not at all, the possibilities of life. Maybe thay had hopes and dreams and wishes, that they never had the chance to develop into words, yet alone actions. Maybe they didnt know that they could have dreams. Because no one told me that when I was 18.
Today I dream big. Sometimes I think “maybe I should shut up? I havent accomplished a lot on my list of goals.” But maybe I should keep going and keep beleiving that I can reach those goals. Maybe I can’t tell Matthew and Leon that they can be anything they want to be, but I do ask most young people I meet “What do you want to do when you graduate high school?”. My intention with that question is to plants two seeds: 1. Me, graduate high school? and 2. What will I do after high school? Again, I ask these questions because no one ever asked me that when I was 18.
One of my many goals is to make life fun, rich and peaceful and do what I want to do and not to let obstacles stop me. I want to speak my mind and know and accept that I can be incredible. I always beleive that life can only get better and all the dreams and desires in our hearts are only for us and we give life to those dreams if we want to. I wish for everyone world peace, just kidding, I wish that people would be more confident in the fact that they can be awesome, and not let obstacles stop you and feel like you have to succumb your dreams to the views of what other people think.
I have lots of dreams.