Lovebirds 2014; Couple Five: Doug & Tracy

Lovebirds 2014; Couple Five: Doug & Tracy

Here is the story of the FIFTH of 5 Lovebirds that I set out to interview as part of my life coaching business, working with couples. I figured the best way to get people involved was to get them involved! And I did that by asking if I can interview them. I am passionate about romance. Read more to find out what they had to say! Happy Valentines Day!

Couple Five: Doug and Tracy

Met: at church when they were both 13

These two literally finish each other’s – sentences. Both of them have attended church since childhood. He had a BMX and a skateboard. She was a pastor’s daughter. He likes lots of attention and makes lots of noise, and she cheers him on from the sidelines. She keeps the home where he comes to recoup. They are truly united and have lots of laughs in the meantime.

The first Meeting:

Doug: Isabel Church was our home church and Peguis youth would come in for the service. It was a always a bunch of close friends and a big group.

Tracy: We were both 16 years old. We’re the same age.

Doug: I lived on Alexander, I was drummer. My house was always the gathering place for family and friends. Everyone would say “Let’s going to Doug’s”. We had a big circle of friends so we were together a lot of the time.

Tracy: One night some of the friends went out to go and watch the planes take off. We were entertaining some friends that were visiting from the states and that’s what we decided to do.

Doug: Tracy had already graduated by 16.

Tracy: And Doug was still finishing school. We knew each other pretty well from the Camp meetings.

Doug: The meetings would travel to different places, and our families would follow. We would always meet up together in our group of friends.

Tracy: I remember the Doug was so fussy, I would try to set him up with friends many times, but he always had a reason why he didn’t want to. But while we were watching the planes he put his head on my lap so you could watch the sky.

Doug: Yeah and she kissed me. I was lying on her lap and she just started getting closer and closer to me.

Tracy: I figured he must want me to kiss him, so I did. And then we were scared to see each other. We were so nervous to see each other. We were disappointed because we thought we ruined it. We were such good friends, now that we kissed we ruined it. It scared us.

Doug: Tracy lived in Peguis.

Tracy: And Doug lived in Winnipeg.

Doug: We got married at 21.

Tracy: Although after we felt disappointed that we ruined our relationship, it felt so natural to kiss.

Doug: I got locked out of my house that night. I had to climb into my bedroom window. But yeah, the kisses did feel right. And when we continued hanging out, we just kissing all the time. After her parents found out, I would phone and ask for Tracy. Her mom would answer and just say, “No, she’s not home” and hang up.

Tracy: My dad was a pastor and he told me that I shouldn’t like Doug that way. My sister is the one that told on me. My dad told me, “Doug is like a son to me. You shouldn’t have kissed him”. When I was 17 I moved to Winnipeg and we would just hang out and date. I lived with my sister and he was still in high school.

Doug: I went to my dad and I told him that I wanted to get married, he told me, “Wait another year.” So I waited two years, and I decided to call my dad again. I said, “Dad, I am getting married January 19.” He said, “Why don’t you wait another year and see if you still want to?” I told him, “Dad, I waited two years. I waited a year longer that what you told me to wait. That’s already two years. I’m getting married.”

Tracy: He would ask me every day if I would marry him. I kept saying no and then I finally said, “Yes, okay pick a date.”

Doug: I didn’t want to waste any time. She said she needed three months to plan the wedding so I said, “Okay January 21.” It was the coldest day of the year, 1991.

Tracy: So we got married and we got a place together. I had all of the furniture.

Doug: I brought all the plates! I used to work delivering pizza, and I would always go to Domo to fill up for gas. And every day I would get one or two pieces of the dinner sets they used to give you. So when we moved in, all I had was plates. Tracy didn’t even like them. We never even use them.

What you admire about the other:

Doug: We are such opposites. We believe that opposites attract because we are totally opposite. She’s very clean and organized and I don’t want to make the bed. But together we balance. She’s so different than I am and if you look for someone who is the same as you, you might not get what you want. We never get tired of each other.

Tracy: That was how I knew he was for me; I didn’t get sick of him. I couldn’t get enough of him and then one day I just thought, “I think I love him.”

Doug: We started out as really good friends before any intimacy. If you base relationships on what is physical, it’ll only take you so far. If you can put up with them for a friend, that’s the good foundation.

Tracy: We have the same consensus; beliefs and values and morals and principles are the same. We established a relationship and we are good friends.

Doug: We were friends since we were 13 to 21. We knew each other and established our relationship.
I had to think about who will be a good friend. It has to be someone who is a really good friend. We traveled a lot and there were a lot of girls who would call me on the phone and write letters. We didn’t have Facebook back then. When we got engaged there were women calling me and telling me how much they loved me…so I had options, lots of friends that were girls. I would get trails of letters and we would record cassette tapes and send messages back-and-forth.

Tracy: We never let family interfere with our relationship. We never allowed any one to influence our control or let their input impact our decisions in our marriage. We had to cut some ties with family. I was brought up to believe my husband is the head of my home. And so I’ve always been strong to not allowing outside influences to interfere in our relationship.

On spending time together:

Doug: We live our own separate lives. We have individuality, but at the same time we do everything together. We eat together, we shop together – all of our main events are together.

Tracy: I don’t hang out with a bunch of people. Doug is my best friend.

Doug: I like to be around a bunch of my friends and be around a bunch of people, but it’s always good to come home. Tracy experienced some stress at work years ago and she likes to be away from crowds. She doesn’t like functions and crowds as much as I do.

Tracy: I like to be in the background. I know my husband is the head of the home. He is strong and I feel safe and secure. It’s been good for the way that we raise our son, with good morals. I live vicariously through Doug. I like to take care of our home and take pride in caring for our home.

Doug: We recently went on a cruise. It was such a special time for us. We spent 14 days on the European cruise and it was lots of fun and lots of free time to be with each other. We got to do our own thing – it was really a highlight for us.

Advice to others on healthy relationships:

Doug: I tell my son Isaiah, that you have to work at it. It takes work for a good relationship and there’s good things and there’s bad things before you mold into one. You have to make some compromise. There some things that I don’t like to do that I will do for her and she does the same for me. Sometimes you have to learn when to shut your mouth, and just nod and agree. Like me, I make the bed now. Lots of laughter. In the end you become one. We balance and I need her for that. When she is not there, I do things I shouldn’t – like spending money on rockets and lanterns.

Tracy: We still like to do our own thing. It’s fun. It’s the security of being together.

Doug: Especially after being on the road. We come together to recuperate and reconnect, and having that safe connection at home. We like being home together.

Tracy: We always eat our meals together and spend time together. We like to eat out a lot. That’s a treat to ourselves now that our son is older.

Doug: We value our time together and eating is a sociable time. And I’m very sociable.

Three words to describe each other:

Doug: My other half

Tracy: My better half.

Doug: That’s acceptable.

Secrets to a happy marriage:

Doug: We have to have a sense of humor, we understand each other.

Tracy: We never argue or fight

Doug: That’s what courting is for. We worked out our emotions; our arguments. And we just grew together, and over time we just and understand each other better and we have become one.

Tracy: We also agreed a long time ago that we wouldn’t have any alcohol in our family. We stay away from alcohol and we don’t let anything interfere with our life and our relationship.

Doug: You have to become friends and learn to compromise. You need to love and respect each other and learn to forgive and forget.

Tracy: You have to go back to what you have been taught, back to your teachings.

Author: Jessica Dumas

Follow me on Twitter @ Facilitator, Indigenous Advisor

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