Here is the second of 5 Lovebirds that I set out to interview as part of my life coaching business, working with couples. I figured the best way to get people involved was to get them involved! And I did that by asking if I can interview them. I am passionate about romance. Read more to find out what they had to say! Happy Valentines Day!
These two are past the interest and desire to waste any time trying to meet someone in a bar or other social events. They chose the daring adventure of meeting online and understand that you don’t find the type of person you really want to date in a bar environment anyway. You get to observe profiles, get a sign of people’s communication styles through how and what they chose to share, and you get to make safe choices from the comfort of your own home. She had pretty much given up on the idea that she would ever find the love of her life. And he didn’t even fit the criteria that she had listed on her profile. They are adorable; just looking at them made me want to giggle because I can see joy all around them. He’s 64, she’s 58.
Couple two: Carmen and Rick
Met: Online: June 18th, 2013 Officially: June 28th, 2013
The first Meeting:
Carmen: I sent him a message based on his profile and his picture online.
Rick: I wasn’t in her age bracket, according to what she was looking for.
Carmen: I saw a picture of him and thought; well he doesn’t look that bad for an old guy! We laughed.
Rick: She liked what she read so she sent me a picture, because she didn’t have a picture up.
Carmen: I have a profile in the community so I didn’t want to put it out there. When I sent him the picture, he didn’t respond right away so I was hurt. I thought ‘screw this’. So I decided to take the high road. I sent him a message and said “I guess there was no interest, good luck with your search.” And while I was trying to delete my profile, he sent a message saying…
Rick: ‘On the contrary, I find you attractive and interesting but you look like my ex-girlfriend and her daughter’s name is Carmen’. We laughed so hard. I had to think, do I want to date someone who reminds me of my ex-girlfriend? Well…so I thought I’d give it a try and we arranged a phone conversation.
Rick: When we talked on the phone, it was an easy connection. We could talk easily, lots of chemistry, conversation flows, lots of likes and dislikes and it just seemed like a really nice fit.
Carmen: from the 21st of June to the 28th, we spent about 40 hours on the phone. We talked about everything!
Rick: It’s an inner thing that you know. You know that it really feels comfortable. There is no demands, just easy living and it’s been that way the whole 7 months. She’s considerate and understanding and has the core values of what I was looking in for someone. She doesn’t take herself too seriously and is always considerate of others.
Carmen: I don’t think people pay enough attention to the signs of when things are not feeling right. People just kind of discount it but if people pay more attention to when their gut is telling them no, then when their gut is telling them yes, they would do a lot better.
First assumptions of the other:
Carmen: he was so easy to talk to and such a good communicator. That was so important to me and we just talk all the time. That was the first thing. I just knew that he was what he said he was. The person I was going to meet face to face was who he said he was.
Rick: same for me.
Qualities most admired about each other:
Rick: her consideration of others, her generosity to others, understanding and loving, caring.
Carmen: for me it’s all the same, he has a great sense of humor and he is even keeled. I never have to wonder if he’s going to be in a bad mood, or if I have to worry about how is going to be.
Rick: she always has a smile on her face. I never have to worry if I have to walk on egg shells. Even when she is not feeling good, she’s so easy to get a long with.
Carmen: And I can be the silliest person I need to be or want to be with him. And we can laugh until our stomachs are aching.
Rick: We both say that we have never laughed as much as we have laughed together over the last seven months. And we’re still laughing.
Carmen: I wake up in the middle of the night and I’ll just start laughing because of something stupid or funny I remembered happened during the day and then he asks me, “What are you laughing about?” And so I realize I’ve woken him up and I start laughing harder and I can’t even tell him why I’m laughing and next thing you know he’s laughing and it’s just ridiculous. It’s hilarious.
Passions adored about each other:
Carmen: Honesty and truthfulness and being up front. His son is so important to him, he only has his sister left in his family and that’s very important to him.
Rick: Her consideration for others. He turns to her, You are always putting others before yourself.
That’s number one. Her kindness and generosity; she always puts herself in other people’s positions, and she seems to grasp what they are dealing with and she responds accordingly. It’s very unique. She is self-made success. I admire that. Nothing was given to her. She worked hard for everything she has; she earned it.
Carmen: Rick’s work ethic. He built himself up as well, put himself through university. He did all of those things on his own too.
Rick: She has a kind heart. And I hear that from others. It was how her friends see her too.
On online dating/building profiles:
Carmen: In his profile he was looking for long term relationship, and I had listed that I was looking for casual dating because I didn’t think in no way would I find Rick. I thought well if I could just find someone to go on a date with once in a while, that maybe that was all I wanted.
Traditions in our relationship:
Carmen: In the seven months that we have been together, we have been together every day. We kind of have a nice Saturday morning tradition where we just enjoy our mornings in bed, with the news and our papers and checking out Facebook.
Rick: and it’s just something that we just kind of do that we don’t realize we do, but just enjoying that time together.
Carmen: we’ve grown so quickly in our relationship; it’s like we’ve been together forever. We work well in the kitchen together, we hold hands. We like to give greeting cards and touch base with a nice connection. And we give each other little gifts all the time.
On the importance of continuing to date:
It is very, VERY! If we are always doing the same thing, it becomes too routine. We have to do something different; whether it is out for dinner or a walk. We don’t want to get into that predictable schedule; we want to keep the spark. I always let him know he’s my sweetheart. Find ways to stay connected mentally emotionally, spiritually.
Rick: Yeah, dinner out to someplace you’ve never been is always nice. Go for a walk when the weather is nice.
Important foundations of a healthy relationship:
Rick: that two people are considerate of each other; one person is not always expected to be responsible for say, making supper. Changing up the routine.
Carmen: Honesty, consideration, laughter, laughter, laughter. Sense of humor is so important. We have to be able to laugh together. And I can’t imagine how many hours we’ve spent talking! Some of it is goofy, we feel like 14 year olds.
Rick: And not having the fear to share your inner feelings that the other person is going to lose it on you. True intimacy is really sharing what’s in your heart, without any fear from how the other person is going to react.
Most memorable date:
Rick: Carmen took me out to Gimli. I call that a date! This was something that she totally went out of her way. It was so considerate, for her to do this kind of surprise for someone.
Carmen: He’s a big race guy. I told him not to book anything on a Saturday. He asked for hints of where we were going; my hint was “perimeter”. He guessed “the States”, I said, “No, it’s not the states.” We stopped for lunch and he thought that was the surprise. But after lunch, we drove out to the race tracks to meet with David Rinehart, the Formula four Driver. And he got to ride in a car with one of the guys going 170 kms on the track. It was a very interesting event. Very Cool.
Carmen: My most memorable date is our first ‘real’ date. We went out for our first real date for dinner in Kenora. The server was welcoming us and said “Are you two celebrating, like your 25th anniversary?” And we laughed.
Rick: yeah because we’re so old! Lauging and we said, “No, more like 25 minutes!”.
Any advice you would give yourself for you on your first date:
Rick: Open the garage door before you leave
Carmen: He almost drove out of his garage door. I got face scrub in my eyes. We were so nervous.
Rick: we spent so much time on the phone that even though we were nervous, we knew exactly who we were going out to meet. It was the natural next step.
Rick: The laughter. We connect with each other in our humor and it’s so much fun.
Carmen: I can do the most stupid thing and he’ll just laugh at me and say “That’s my girl”. And we just laugh.
Rick: She lets me be me and it just lets me be free, with no pressure. It’s easy living.
Carmen: Our friends give us so many compliments. To hear “I’m jealous of what you have,” and “We approve of the two of you, we want to host your wedding when you’re ready,” and “You’re so happy, it’s so great to see,” is just amazing to hear. And it’s so nice to have family and friends welcome and approve of each of us.
Rick: My son calls her more than he calls me.
Three words to describe the other:
Carmen: Kind, funny & loving.
Rick: Considerate, loving and cute.
Carmen: If you have to guess in a relationship, “Does he love me?” or, “Is this right?” Then it isn’t.
Rick: I really appreciate her being in my life.
Carmen: I really can’t imagine. From the beginning, we knew that, “Finally, this was it!”Building a home and marriage… I never imagined in my life, we are working towards! I just can`t imagine spending the rest of my life without him.
On Valentine’s day:
Rick: We recognize and appreciate each other every day, but Valentine’s is a day for something special for someone; but something simple, so the other knows you are thinking about them.
Carmen: I lost my dad on Valentine’s Day 28 years ago. So I tend to not want to celebrate it ever. I stop shopping, I dread the cards coming out and I try to bypass all of Valentine`s. Valentine`s is the trigger for my reminders of the loss of my dad. This is the first time ever, I look forward to it. I couldn’t wait to go out and find him a card and get him something nice. I’m not afraid of it this year!
Carmen’s out going advice to others:
No matter what your age or background, don’t ever give up on finding real love! When you least expect it…